I haven’t written anything for a while because I’m going through another period of brokenness. There is something that I believed was God’s will that doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. Once again, I am learning to say, “Not my will, but Thine be done.”
Elisabeth Elliot said, “The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.”
I do not believe that this desire of mine was just me wanting my own way. I believe that there was something God wanted me to do and I may have misunderstood exactly what I was supposed to do.
I have heard preachers share an illustration that explains what I mean. A farmer was out plowing his field. As he plowed, he prayed, “God, what do You want me to do?” He looked up to the sky and saw in the clouds the letters, P. C. “Preach Christ,” he said to himself, so he went out and preached the gospel anywhere and everywhere he could. No conversions happened under his preaching and he returned to his farm dejected and asking God why, when the message to preach Christ had been so clear. God answered him, “You were supposed to plant corn.”
God had a job for me to do. Though the difference wasn’t as far-fetched as the difference between planting corn and preaching Christ, what I thought I was supposed to do wasn’t exactly what seems to have been God’s plan. I’m not altogether certain my job is done but it seems like it is. It is difficult and heartbreaking to let go of what I was so certain was God’s plan but I must face the reality that maybe it isn’t. Maybe I was just planting a seed for someone else to water and harvest.
“Not my will but Thine be done.”